2nd place in Derby #196: Amusement Parks, with 841 votes!

Peggy? Peggy, it’s Florence. Look, I hate to bother you on your vacation, but it’s about Jasper. He’s… Well, I think there might be something wrong with him.

He’s just so lethargic! He seems so aloof, too, and really full of himself. He just lays wherever he wants, you know? In the doorway, right behind me when I’m cooking, on my laptop keyboard while I’m trying to work… And don’t get me started on how many times I’ve had to scold him for getting on the table on the kitchen counter. I swear, sometimes I think he does it just to provoke me! Ugh, and he’s started this thing where he knocks things off my dresser in the middle of the night. And do you know what he does when I get up to swat him off? He jumps down and immediately lays in the warm place I’ve made in the bed!

Peggy, I hate to worry you, and I know I should have told you I’ve never actually owned a cat before when I agreed to cat-sit, but I’m not sure what to do! Should I call your vet? Would feeding him a new cat food help? Maybe some catnip might calm him down.

What? Oh. This is all normal? Really? Like, normal for Jasper or for cats in general? REALLY. Huh.

No, no, I’m just glad there’s nothing wrong with him. And I’ll be really glad when you get home.

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Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re under the size limit.

This shirt tells the world: “Tiger blood isn’t exclusive to wife-beating lunatic celebrities.”

We call this color: Asphalt On The Ego

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