If We Can’t Be Factual At Least We Can Rhyme
First Place in Derby #20 (Create Your Own Holiday), with 520 votes!
‘Twas the Third Of July and all through the nation
The colonials were not having three day vacations
“Intolerable!” said Hancock, as loud as he pleased
“I don’t want to work when it’s ninety degrees!”
Jefferson nodded, designing a fan.
“It’s beautiful out, let’s make with a plan.
Why can’t we just go out and sit by the lake,
And drink some of that beer that our buddy Sam makes?”
“I agree!” said Ben Franklin, “Plus I have a date!
I don’t want to come in cause my math says that great
are the chances that tonight I’ll make lightning again!”
“Good thing I’ve arrived!” said George Washington.
“Come Bartlett, come Braxton, come Carrol, come Chase!
Come sign this Declaration or I’ll kick in your face!
For we’ve salt water tea and a whole lot of mince pie
(which will fall out of fashion as the years go by)
and we’ll head down to Williamsburg, you’ll love it like me!
It looks like the future, amazing, you’ll see!
We’ll take Whipple’s carriage and pick up Tom Paine
We’ll pump up the Mozart and recite Sturm und Drang!”
“That’s ever so modern!” said young Miss Betsy Ross.
“Can I come along? I won’t be a bit cross.”
“Why of course, Little Betsy,” said Franklin with glee,
“Tell you what, you come ride in the back seat with me.”
And so our Founding Fathers went on their vacation,
And they left an excuse that created a nation.
And they started a trend we now hail with this shirt,
Of saying “Hey, Boss, tomorrow I won’t be into work”.
This shirt was designed by: InitialSam, who understands that at the heart of our nation is the belief that we could all stand up and change the world anytime we wanted… if only that Battlestar Galactica marathon wasn’t on.
Wear this shirt: when you want to pretend you’re living in a Vertigo comic book!
Don’t wear this shirt: when you go to town, riding on a pony, with a feather in your cap. It will only end in tears.
This shirt tells the world: “In this particular arrangement, these colors do, in fact, run.”
We call this color: We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this as cranberry.
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