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Do Not Pass Go

by kevlar51 & walmazan

$19.00 + free shipping
Asphalt
Tee
Limit 15 per customer
  • Standard - Estimated delivery Apr 01 - Apr 03
  • Express - Estimated delivery Mar 30
  • Free Express shipping for Prime members

Oh, like you can be mad at the dog for finally making things interesting.

1st place in Derby #213: Dog Days, with 943 votes!

We’ve been waiting for an opportunity like this to take down those Parker Brothers and give ‘em a good what for. Sure, it’s been around in one form or another for over 105 years. Sure, it’s helped people learn about single tax theory and land grabbing. Sure, a special edition was even made to help WWII prisoners of war escape from Nazi prisons. The game’s got a long and storied history, but it can’t change this one simple fact:

Monopoly sucks.

Seeing someone grab a Monopoly box from the closet full of games is like hearing the judge issue your life sentence in prison. Your heart sinks, you feel your stomach climb up into your throat, your eyes sting with tears, and your mouth salivates in an attempt to lubricate itself for the vomit you will soon be expelling.

From then on it’s an endurance trial, as every time a Monopoly board is unfolded from the box it generates a bubble of altered space-time much like the event horizon of a black hole, where to outside observers the players seem frozen in place forever. It is a documented fact that the shortest game of Monopoly ever played lasted a “mere” 42 hours. Three people died from either dehydration, boredom-induced aneurysms, or self-inflicted wounds made with a miniature top hat.

Yet somehow they continue to propagate this “game” throughout toy stores everywhere. New editions come out, as if renaming Boardwalk with a street from the Simpsons universe or your favorite NFL franchise would make constructing tenement housing and predatory rent prices more fun.

You want to know what a game of Monopoly is like? Imagine a tiny pewter boot stamping on a human face – forever.

Wear this shirt: While justifying another trip to McDonald’s under the guise of “MAYBE THIS TIME I’LL GET THE BOARDWALK PIECE! ANOTHER 20-PC. CHICKEN NUGGET, PLEASE!”

Don’t wear this shirt: To game night at the local nerd hangout, unless you like cries of “We play TABLE TOP GAMES, here, not your ridiculous board games!”

This shirt tells the world: “I’m going to marry into your family and ruin every Thanksgiving and Christmas gathering for the rest of your life by suggesting we all gather ‘round the table and play this monstrosity.”

We call this color: I would rather grind my face off onto Asphalt than play this game

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Features

Our graphic tees are made for all those days (see every day) that you need to get shirt done! Our professionally printed t-shirts are produced in-house to create an experience you will never forget.

Seriously, our t-shirts have been a graphic tee loving enthusiast's favorite since 2007. Our t-shirt designs are created by the best artists in the industry. We know that the combination of our t-shirts, exclusive design selection, world-class artists, and quality production, makes people smile.

Sizing Chart:

Please check our sizing chart before you order.

Classic T-Shirt Fit:

This shirt is made for those of you that like a looser fitting shirt (classic seemed appropriate)! This t-shirt is made from the finest ring spun cotton to make you look Woot-astic!

  • Standard fit (slightly boxy t-shirt, a little loose)
  • Fiber Content: 4.5 oz/yd 100% Combed ring spun cotton
  • Manufactured In: Honduras
  • Printed In: Carrollton, Texas, USA

Fitted T-Shirt Fit:

Our fitted t-shirts are made for those times when you want to feel slimmer — or when you want to go out on the town — or just because you like fitted shirts 'cause you're slim and stuff. This t-shirt is made from the finest ring spun cotton to make you look fit-astic (get it?)!

  • Fitted T-Shirt fit (narrower shoulder and body)
  • Fiber Content: 4.2 oz/yd 100% Combed ring spun cotton
  • Manufactured In: USA, Central America, Vietnam or Bangladesh
  • Printed In: Carrollton, Texas, USA

Specs

Sales Stats

Speed to First Woot:
0m 43.000s
First Sucker:
bluejester
Last Wooter to Woot:
jessa919w

Purchaser Experience

  • 0% first woot
  • 91% second woot
  • 9% < 10 woots
  • 0% < 25 woots
  • 0% ≥ 25 woots

Purchaser Seniority

  • 7% joined today
  • 1% one week old
  • 3% one month old
  • 24% one year old
  • 65% > one year old

Quantity Breakdown

  • 91% bought 1
  • 7% bought 2
  • 2% bought 3 or more

Percentage of Sales Per Hour

10%
4%
2%
2%
1%
2%
5%
7%
9%
8%
7%
6%
4%
3%
3%
3%
3%
4%
3%
3%
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3%
12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

Percentage of Sales Per Day

5%
2%
2%
2%
85%
3%
2%
Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun

Woots by State

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Do Not Pass Go by kevlar51 & walmazan
$19.00 In Stock Apparel & Accessories
$19.00 USD false 1 Retail EA
1 15
Woot! Shirt.Woot
4121 International Pkwy Carollton TX 75007 U.S.A.