There’s always one joker in every crowd.

When I got there, I think it was about eleven. There was a double six up at the front, said he’d been there all day. His buddy the two and five was technically first, but he was making a sandwich run. Brought back an extra too, let me buy it off him. Top notch dudes, really. The kind you hope you’ll meet in a line.

But at like four, it was just a huge line. There were some three and twos, I think a five and one, some four and four that kept trying to start a singalong, we were like “No, dude, nobody wants to sing Dragonforce ironically but you, okay?” By that time, we just wanted it to be over.

And then, at eight, that stupid griefer came up. You’d think they would have put some security out there, right? Someone who’d see a double one coming up and maybe watch him? But no, there was nobody, and he ran up and took this flying leap at the poor two and four at the back of the line. She’d just gotten there too, she was so happy to be involved, and that jerkface just plowed into her and sent her flying. Of course, she fell forward, it wasn’t her fault, and she tried to stop herself on the five and one, but that didn’t work out, and about twenty seconds later we were all face down and the whole experience was ruined.

I guess I got hit harder than I thought because I can’t even remember why we lined up in the first place. But that’s not the point. The point is, those double ones should be more respectful.

Wear this shirt: when you go to buy your next iPad. Maybe it’ll inspire some comedy.

Don’t wear this shirt: around people who plan the U.S. strategy in the Middle East. They’re a little on edge at the moment.

This shirt tells the world: “See you next fall!”

We call this colour: Heather Gray

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