Please try to understand. I just have certain… needs. Clothing needs.

Don’t take it personally, okay? You’re a great guy. You’re sweet and thoughtful. I’ve never had someone treat me so well in life. All those lovely notes you sent me, the funny little pictures you’d send me during my day to keep my mood up, and all those nights of gazing out on to the horizon as the sunset, your arms wrapped around me… I’ve never felt more content, more secure in anyone’s love than I have with you. I mean that. Truly, I do.

But Greg… Well, Greg’s got a silly t-shirt with an alligator and some birds on it. Or is it a crocodile? Doesn’t matter, really. It’s still something you just can’t give me. So, I think it’s best that we end this now. You know, before one of us really gets hurt.

Oh, and did I mention my dad hates him? That earns a lot of points with me, too. Sorry, buddy.

Wear this shirt: as a stern warning to those who annoy you. Or carry a knife. Either one works.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you prefer Chocodiles to crocodiles.

This shirt tells the world: “Real crocodiles are dangerous, true, but the ones you really have to look out for are the cartoon ones.”

We call this color: It’s Too Slate For Apologies

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