3rd place in Derby #110: Flora, with 760 votes!

Yeah, they call it “frankenfood”. Me, I got no problem with a turkey that tastes like ham but I guess some folks don’t like that. I’m a live and let live kinda guy, you know, so I try to understand. But nobody eats flowers, right? Hey, come on back, let me show off them prize winning rose bushes.

Naw, they didn’t win a ribbon at the State Fair. They won a trophy. There it is. Golden Gloves, 2008. Yeah, we pumped them suckers up with steroids and bull semen and a six ounce jar of plutonium mixed right in the manure. And that’s fresh manure, too, not that store bought kind. You ask me, that’s the secret. Don’t get too close there, he’s kind territorial about his fence.

Oh, it’s a lot of work all right. They hate it when you cut their thorns, too, they feel all defenseless and get sulky. But that’s nothing compared to what we gotta do for the violets. We got them on suicide watch 24/7, and we fly a guy in here twice a week to do some psychotherapy. New York doctor, really expensive. But it’s a small price to pay when the side of the house looks so good. Don’t that look so good? Hey, come check out the forget-me-nots, we’re gettin’ them ready for trivia night.

Wear this shirt: at a Poison concert. It’s like a remix.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you work for Monsanto. We don’t want to see you fired or anything.

This shirt tells the world: “There’s no such thing as a free lunch, but there is such a thing as seed money!”

We call this color: The Black Eyed Peas Swear They Just Walked Into A Door

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