First place in Derby #40: Motherhood, with 911 votes

Hush little baby, don’t you cry
You’ll be a great big Wyrm in the blink of an eye
But ‘till that day you’re fully grown
Mama will keep you safe at home
And if you do as you are told
Mama will make sure to invest your gold
And if you learn to claw claw bite
Mama’s gonna bring you some kobolds to fight
And if you tell me you fought Conan
Mama will get your portrait on the side of a van
And if you get those dragonly urges
Mama will force the local king to hold a lottery of all available virgins
And if you always try to be a good boy
Mama’ll find a knight you can use as a toy

This shirt was designed by: sparklzk27, who understands the problem facing single mothers today. Young dragons need a positive role model, especially when the media constantly glamorizes dragon stereotypes like Smaug and Tiamat and Madonna.

Wear this shirt: when you take that photo with your three year old holding up his first fish (which you hooked before he reeled it in).

Don’t wear this shirt: when you’re on tv explaining how you dressed as a clown and ate your neighborhood. Really, we don’t need that sort of press.

This shirt tells the world: “I Was Raised Right. Not like that guy who ate his neighborhood. Did you hear that story? Wow. How did nobody notice? You’d think that last guy would have caught on or something.”

We call this color: Baby Dragon Asked For Seafood/Mama Dragon Said Maybe/So She Went On Patrol And Brought Back To Her Son/The Finest Men In The King’s Navy

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