Dear parents: Due to an unfortunate incident last year, we are discouraging children from bringing candy to school this Easter season.

This time of year is bittersweet for our students. The Easter Bunny decorations bring to mind Room 114’s dear, departed former rabbit, Miley Hulk. While we all enjoy the festivity of the holiday, the students are still grieving, one year after Miley Hulk’s sudden, shocking passing. This is especially true of last year’s Room 114 class, who found Miley Hulk after her ill-advised binge. I’m told of one child who still has nightmares about a giant bunny stuffing his mouth with tiny marshmallow children.

To avoid another unfortunate accident, we are asking parents not to send candy to school this week. If candy must be sent, please, let your child know it should never be “hidden” anywhere in the class, least of all the rabbit’s cage. I’m not sure we could stand it if the same thing happened to iCarly Batman.

Wear this shirt: to raise awareness of the problem of bunnyhood obesity.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re one of those cynics who thinks the Easter Bunny was a creation of the marshmallow cartel.

This shirt tells the world: “I’ll be the fattest bunny in the Easter Parade.”

We call this color: A Baby Blue Bunny Is Called A Blue Kit.

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