Hear me out, dudes. I have a theory.

Welcome to Advanced Anatomical Theory, one of the new Alternative Learning classes funded through the college’s community outreach program. My name’s Doug and I am proud to say I have absolutely zero training or education in the field. Questions?

“Uh, what?”

Exactly. Okay. Let’s talk whales, people. They’re f&*%ing huge, right? So I’m out windsurfing with my pal Micha and we, y’know, expanded our minds beforehand. Then it hit me, man. Whales are so big, y’know, what if like elephants were inside of them? Makes sense, right?

“What?”

“That makes no sense whatsoever.”

Think about it, guys. Think about the spout.

“What does that have to do with anything?”

Whales spout water, elephants spray water. Come on! It fits.

“Are you high, like, right now?”

Well I was until you guys started getting all heavy with the judgment.

Wear this shirt: If you’re the kind of person who likes something cute on the front of a shirt. Which, if you’re reading this, you probably are.

Don’t wear this shirt: On the open sea. It gets pretty chilly, and you’ll want a flotation device.

This shirt tells the world: “You’re all impressed with the vastness of outer space, but what about the fact that none of us have ever actually touched each other because of the gaps between our atomic structure? I’m talkin’ INNER SPACE, man.”

We call this color: Plenty of brown in the sea

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