2nd place in Derby #163: Rainy Day, with 765 votes!

Thanks, Hollywood, for strip-mining another precious memory from my childhood. What ponytail wearing, cigar chomping, empty suit greenlit a PREQUEL for The Wizard of Oz?! You SAW how terrible the sequel was, didn’t you? I didn’t even like The Wiz although I can’t admit it out loud because it makes me seem racist.

THEY’RE MAKING ANOTHER SEQUEL, TOO?!

Setting aside the ridiculous notion that we needed to see these characters before the events of The Wizard of Oz, why the hell did he opt to make every character already know each other as children?! The doofus had infinite experiences and backgrounds on which to paint these characters. He chose to have them all grow up as neighbors?

Way to crap all over the continuity , Georgie. Oh, wait. That’s kind of your M.O.

Why would these guys be afraid of the witch if they grew up taunting her for hiding from the rain? Even if they were afraid, why wouldn’t they reference their mutual history when Dorothy asked about the witch? Why weren’t they offered positions of power in her flying monkey army? ARRRRGH, it’s INFURIATING!

Don’t even get me started on Hayden Christensen as the Cowardly Lion. Dude couldn’t emote his way out of a paper bag.

Wear this shirt: As you stroll down your favorite road, regardless of the color of bricks. But make sure to look both ways and use crosswalks.

Don’t wear this shirt: Around the Lollipop Guild. They get their sticky little fingerprints all over everything.

This shirt tells the world: “Why yes, I AM willing to bastardize every memory you ever had.”

We call this color: Asphalt to see the Wizard

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