3rd place in Derby #204: I ♥ Books!, with 864 votes!

Listen, kid. Get out of here before you hurt yourself. You’re &$%#ing with a real wizard, now, and I don’t want to have to deal with you.

“Hey old man, I beat Voldemort. And I died just to be able to do it.”

Volde what? Son I fought a Balrog for 10 days and died JUST SO I COULD HELP MY BUDDIES ON THEIR WALK. I’ve been alive for OVER TWO THOUSAND YEARS. What are you, 16?

“So? A Balrog’s not an evil wizard.”

No, it’s a friggin’ HELLFIRE DEMON. And if all we’re talking is wizards we’ve punked then I’ll put Sarumon up against that noseless weirdo you had such a hard time with.

“Sarumon was just a pawn! Just some guy following orders from a head honcho that you had to let some hobbits take care of!”

You SEE this?! This is Narya! You know what that is?! It’s one of the THREE ELVEN RINGS, punk!

“Well I have an Invisibility Cloak!”

Pssh. I had a ring that did the same thing. Know what I did with it?

“What?”

I GAVE IT TO A HOBBIT TO THROW INTO A VOLCANO. I’M GANDALF, $&^!

Wear this shirt: While arguing loudly with some other neckbeard about which wizard would win in a fight.

Don’t wear this shirt: If it’s going to inspire some skeezy slash fiction.

This shirt tells the world: “I have a 16-page dissertation on why the book is ALWAYS better than the movie. Would you like me to read it?”

We call this color: J.K. Browning meets J.R.R. Brownkien

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