2nd place in Derby #257: On The Beach, with 535 votes!    

Yeah, I drive a big gas guzzling SUV. How many miles to the gallon does it get, you ask? PFFT! With my wheels, we're talking gallons to the mile! Heck, I try and drive across town, that's two or three fill-ups right there. At least, if I'm doing it right.

Yeah, you heard me; I want to burn as much gas as possible. You see, the lame stream media would have you believe that it's clean cut: there are the people that are trying to prevent global warming and there are the people that don't believe in it. But they never report on us, the people who believe in it AND WANT IT!

But not for ourselves. In fact, we realize this could be really unpleasant for us. No, we're doing this the penguins and the seals and the walruses and all those other poor animals that are stuck in freezing cold climates!

You hear that? Your days of ice and snow are almost over, little guys! Soon you'll be sitting on a beach, sippin' mai tais! Just you wait!

Wear this shirt: the next time you fly; then it'll be all of the penguin's dreams realized.

Don't wear this shirt: if you have a single care in the world.

This shirt tells the world: "Just chill, but not literally."

We call this color: The Royal Blue Penguin can be found on the sub-Antarctic islands.

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