1st place in Derby #97: BBQ, with 1092 votes!

Man has long been fascinated by three things. Fire, being outdoors, and telling women to shut up and make the potato salad because the men know what they are doing. And that’s why the barbeque has been a success since the very first day it was created.

Even in a dark future full of health pills and treadmills that walk the dog Jetsons-style, there will still be underground grilling clubs in which men of passion gather to glorify their hot, juicy meat.

Women, you may grill, and you may even be good at it, but you will never fully understand the holy triangle that forms at the grill. That world is a sacred space, private to each man, and occupied only by himself, his meat, and their God. Amen. Now is that potato salad ready or what?

Wear this shirt: to show you’re planning ahead for that Memorial Day weekend in 2165.

Don’t wear this shirt: at the grill. If you get grease on it, you’ll be mad.

This shirt tells the world: “It’ll be ready when it’s ready!”

We call this color: Is that Asphalt? Granny can’t see from here. Go get Granny her glasses and one of them chocolate Ex-Lax tablets she loves so much.

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