Welcome to Your New Planet!
A User’s Guide to Earth.
Congratulations! You are now the proud owner/inhabitant of the solar system’s finest, most massive, and densest terrestrial planet. With every known inhabitable climate, millions of species of organic life (not to mention the inevitable onslaught of inorganic life in the next 100 years or so), and a magnetic field/ozone layer combo to deflect the horrible, murderous solar radiation raining down 24/7, Earth truly is the Cadillac of homeworlds.
In addition to your new planet, please enjoy this complimentary t-shirt, printed on certified organic cotton, courtesy of Shirt.Woot’s partnership with The Sierra Club.
Satellites and You
You may notice a large, talcum-colored sphere in the sky at night. It is sometimes also visible during the day, depending on atmospheric conditions. Many first-time planet dwellers often mistake this object for some sort of deity or point of worship responsible for crop failures, disease, or the return of the sun. Don’t worry! It’s just the moon. It might make your oceans get a little higher or lower from time to time, but other than that it’s harmless.
Your Earth should be relatively self-cleaning, requiring little maintenance on your part. Organic waste will simply be recycled by numerous species who have evolved to do the dirty work. So long as you don’t do anything like introduce non-biodegradable items into the environment or pump a huge amount of exhaust into the skies and seas, you should have no problems!
The Life of your Earth
Your little blue planet should serve your purposes adequately for as long as you should need it. Unfortunately, due to circumstances beyond our control, it will be reduced to a small pool of molten iron in 4.5 billion years when the sun expands and swallows the planet whole before expelling it as gas across the cosmos. But until then, take care of it. And enjoy!
Wear this shirt: OUTSIDE! Get away from electronic screens for ONE day in your life! After you buy OUR stuff, we mean.
Don’t wear this shirt: On Venus. It’ll be awkward rubbing our planet’s awesomeness in its face. Also, the crushing pressure and acidic atmosphere would ruin your shirt and kill you pretty quickly.
This shirt tells the world: “I am far more active than my XL shirt size would lead you to believe.”
We call this color: Pale Black Dot
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