...So I says to the soda jerker, I says I don’t like the looks of this confection. And he says what do I mean. And I says it’s giving me these looks, and I don’t like ‘em.

And he says I don’t know what your problem is, buddy; this is what you ordered. And I says no sir, I ordered a delicious caramel flurry with pecans. And he says oh, my bad, I thought you said a vicious, horrible slurry of the damned.

And so no harm done—he made me my caramel flurry and gave me the vicious one for free, too. But I shouldn’t have eaten both, because I got a stomach-ache plus a slight poltergeist.

This shirt was designed by: godmachine, in Wales, with Photoshop and a pen. Look him up online, he claims he’s “always available for a chat and to produce work for your company/band etc.” You hear that? “Always.” There’s a claim that merits testing!

Wear this shirt: to the ophthalmologist, where people will find it funny.

Don’t wear this shirt: to the malt shop, where people will find it nauseating.

This shirt tells the world: “When you agree to donate your eyeballs to science, make sure you specify a non-culinary science.”

We call this color: I’ll Pluck Out Your Pretty Baby Blues And Serve Them To You In A Tulip Dish

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