2nd place in Derby #135: Faster, Higher, Stronger, with 792 votes!

“Too precise”? Did you really say “too precise”? Listen, farmboy, I understand you’re a little upset about your pal Burt Reynolds flying off to stop Space Hitler, but let’s be honest about this. There’s nothing about these guys that “too precise” can possibly be applied to.

Yeah, okay, I’ll accept that you’ve bought into the propaganda. I’m sure when you bust out the shortwave and listen to “Jabba’s Bandstand” on Voice Of The Empire every Sunday night you think “Gosh! How could I stand up to an endless wave of blaster fire!” But once you actually get off this dirtball of a planet, you’re going to see how things really work.

For example, would a team of people that are “too precise” completely miss two guys and a seven foot carpet running across an empty hangar to get into a ship the size of a small hotel? Or would these “too precise” soldiers decide that no one could ever shoot a little exhaust port that goes right to the reactor? Or would “too precise” completely fail to hit a man and a woman swinging from a rope towards a single exit while holding both the higher AND the lower ground? Seriously, just aim for the door and wait!

Yeah, it’s sad about your aunt and uncle, but come on. You don’t see Spider-Man saying “That burglar was smarter than Reed Richards and stronger than the Hulk, otherwise Uncle Ben would have beaten him right away!” Just accept reality, kid. You’re part of a family full of losers. “Too precise.” Sheesh.

Wear this shirt: when you’re not at your post.

Don’t wear this shirt: to visit your opthamologist. It might seem like a threat.

This shirt tells the world: “He’s such a little trooper.”

We call this color: No, See, Asphalt Jedi Get To Use Lightning And Strangle People But Then They Also Turn Into Happy Blue Ghosts When They Die, It’s All In The Expanded Universe, Try To Keep Up

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