Shawshank’s Breathing Method For An Apt Pupil’s Body
3rd place in Derby #208: Four, with 860 votes!
Thanks for meeting with us, Mr. K. May I call you that? It is an honor and pleasure to get to sit down to talk with you about what we think will be the next great feather in your Hollywood cap.
So listen, we all loved Stand By Me. Truly a classic, right? And The Shawshank Redemption was absolutely brilliant! Who didn’t love that film? And let’s not forget Apt Pupil, huh? Actually, let’s go ahead and forget that. No need to bring it up again. But the STORY was riveting. Quite the page turner, I must say.
Now I know we haven’t gotten around to adapting that last novella, but hear me out. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but remakes are HOT right now. Smokin’ hot. The Batman franchise? Remade. The Spiderman films? Being redone as we speak! So here’s our idea: Why not remake those three movies AND adapt the fourth story? Great idea, right?
Except, uh, well, the studio is being a little tight with budgets these days. No problem, though, because we’re prepared to make one GIANT BLOCKBUSTER by smooshing all of them together! Think of it! We’ve got Nazis, prisons, dead bodies, and a really icky, yet heartbreaking birth scene! It can’t lose!
Yes, I know that’s what they said about Kindgom Hospital, but you’re just going to have to trust us on this one.
Wear this shirt: when you venture into the vast and horrible realm known as “Outside”.
Don’t wear this shirt: if you’d rather people just leaf you alone. HA HA! “LEAF”! SEE WHAT I DID THERE?
This shirt tells the world: “Change is the only constant. Unless you live somewhere tropical, and then it’s pretty much the same year ‘round.”
We call this color: All Around Brown
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