When the log rolls over, government of the people, by the people, and for the people shall perish from the Earth.

“Man, this camping trip sucks. Brandon said his scoutmaster took them bungee jumping. But all we get to do is split those stupid rails.”

“I know. Who the hell cares whether a log is split in half or not? It can stay in one piece for all I care.”

“And I thought we were going to tell ghost stories around the campfire last night. I thought it was getting good when he talked about ‘those who gave their lives so the nation might live’. But then, not even a single zombie. C’mon, dude – give me something here.”

“I know. For somebody with such a cool beard, he’s a total slavedriver.”

“Don’t let him hear you calling him that. He hates that.”

Wear this shirt: if you’re dedicated to the proposition that all marshmallows are created equal.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you are engaged in a great civil war. We don’t offer a Kevlar version.

This shirt tells the world: “I have a merit badge in Contrived Historical Puns.”

We call this color: the Kellysburg Agreen.

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