1st place in Derby #454: Love with 146 votes.

It's a time for celebration! And what better way to celebrate than by dropping trow and feeling wind between your legs!

Oh, what's that? You think I'm just using the good news re: marriage equality as an excuse to shed my pants and force people to look upon my naked lowerside? No way! This is a genuine display of excitement! In fact, for you to even suggest such selfish motives is so insulting that I'm tempted to take my pants off right here and now just to teach you a lesson about how discerning I am when it comes to taking my pants off!

Although now that I think about it, maybe I do have a problem. Maybe I've been lying to myself, telling myself that taking my pants off is a legitimate emotional response when in fact it's nothing more than a subconscious cry for attention. Oh man, it's as if I can feel the walls of my being closing in on me, as if I'm being suffocated... from the waist down and...

No! I'm doing it again! I'm trying to find an excuse to remove my pants! Gosh, what an emotionally complicated experience this has turned out to be. I really need to stop beating around the bush and face it straight on: I need to step in front of the mirror, loosen my belt, and confront my naked south-waistern region, ask it, "Why? Why do you feel the need to expose yourself? Why can't you just stay inside?" And you know what, that's what I'm going to do! I'm going to confront my desire to take my pants off by taking my pants off!

LOL, JK! I've had my pants off this whole time!

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