Seriously, Shirt.Woot? Your smallest size is on K4? For shame.
Dear Shirt.Woot,
In all my years as a garden gnome, I always felt a little held back by the fashion of my people. The pointy hats, the abnormally large belt buckles, and tiny pants that make up our societal uniform have always seem quite drab to me and many others like me. Unfortunately, gnome-centric outerwear is harder to find than leprechaun’s gold, I’m afraid. Unicorns, dragons, even the elusive Big Foot are given much more attention than your average garden gnome, yet we make up nearly 85% of all mythical creature lawn decor in the US, much more than any of the aforementioned beasts.
So imagine my excitement when I heard that your website featured one of us cooking up a pink flamingo on your shirt of the day! Finally, some respect in the shirt design world! Sure, we don’t actually eat pink flamingos (many of us are strict pescetarians), but seeing the image of a gnome portrayed in this comedic fashion tickled this tiny tinker’s funny bone in such a way that I knew I just had to buy one for all my friends to see.
However, I was disappointed, shocked even, to find that you do not offer shirts in gnome-wearable sizes! Is this some form of mockery, Shirt.Woot? While your decision to depict the noble garden gnome is to be applauded, those in my humble mushroom village who would be more than happy to part with their treasures for one will surely be outraged when I tell them of this. This is sizeism, plain and simple, and I, for one, will not stand silently by the entrance of a gazebo for it.
Please address and correct this oversight at your earliest convenience.
Signed,
Elnab The Tinker
P.S. It’d also be nice if we could get a few in long-sleeves. Thanks in advance.
Wear this shirt: to a late-night garden barbecue.
Don’t wear this shirt: if it’s illegal to burn plastic in your neighborhood.
This shirt tells the world: “A gnome’s gotta eat.”
We call this color: Baby Blue Plate Special
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