2nd Place in Derby #341: Sports!, with 205 votes!
Wow! Ripping on sports got us so amped that we're going to sarcastically take down a few other things that bring people mild enjoyment! Check it:
"Yay, British guy! Run down the corridor away from the alien while the girl screams!"
"Heck yeah, board games! I'm throwing a tantrum because my friend harvested more brick than me!"
"Awww sweet, Bitcoin! A new way to exchange money that's always discussed in how many dollars each one is worth!"
"Wahoo, pizza! Melted cow fat mixed with the carcasses of animals and/or the compost of destroyed vegetables!"
"Let's hear it for romantic relationships! Frantically stuffing the void we feel at the thought of dying alone with another human being!"
"Go, human endeavor! Fool us into thinking we are more than squishy bags of electrical impulses!"
"Hoorah, graphic t-shirts! Let everybody else who likes the same thing as me know that I, also, understand jokes about those things!"
"Nice job, mortality! Pretending like anything that happens in this short time actually matters!"
"Let's do it, anti-sports sentiment! Sitting in my room alone complaining about the uncomplicated feelings of camaraderie and joy everyone else is feeling right now!"
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