Name’s Cavendish. I didn’t start out this way. I was a lot different. But they found me in Vietnam. Shaped me. Made me into something new. The corporations, I mean. Now I work for them.

They sent me here because of what happened to Big Mike. He was the golden boy in the 50s. He did their dirty work back then. Cheap, easy, always around. People started taking him for granted. Didn’t even notice when he got sick.

Maybe they could have stopped it early. They were cocky, though. They had it all back then, why wouldn’t it be hard to let go? They pushed Big Mike all the way, all the way until he dropped. Then they came to me.

I took up the mantle, sure. What else could I do? And you better believe I like the fame. But the other day, without even thinking about it, I coughed. I didn’t tell a soul. But I’m scared. Because who can they get to replace me?

This shirt was designed by: soothedbyrainfall, who has no bananas today. Because his shirt is coming SmartPost. He may not have no bananas next week either. It’s sort of exciting, not knowing when things arrive.

Wear this shirt: because if you leave it on the floor, someone might slip on it.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re Gwen Stefani. It would be poor form to return to an image you had left behind and we would refuse to be responsible for your stagnation as an recording artist. However we’d be happy to send one to the Ting Tings.

This shirt tells the world: “I don’t need any additional potassium just now.”

We call this color: Kelly Green. But if you’re not a fan, just let it sit on the counter for a few days until it turns.

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