One day, everyone you know will be dead.

See, on some other site, that would be a threat. But here, it’s more of a statement. We are well aware that there’s going to come a season, turn, turn, turn, when it is simply time to move on. And that’s why the universe works.

If nothing died, you’d still have to send Christmas cards to your great-great-great grandmother. You’d still have to remember your mother’s father’s father’s mother’s mother’s father’s mother’s birthday each year. You’d certainly be hearing about the Social Security crisis all the freaking time. And, most importantly, deer would all evolve into something like the creature depicted on today’s shirt.

There’s nothing wrong with rainbow clouds and bunny ghosts in theory, but ask any homeowner how hard it is to keep the bushes neat and you’ll understand why four hungry rainbow clouds could decimate the lawns of the world. Oh, by the way, we do actually mean a tenth of the lawns, because not everyone lives near deer. So shut up and suck it, ‘spergie.

Wear this shirt: when you’re going out with Ray and Me.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re going to be all picky about how female deer don’t have antlers and therefore that last joke makes no sense. Try to be more tolerant about lifestyle choices.

This shirt tells the world: “Oh! Dear! What can the matter be?”

We call this color: From Now On Stay Away From The Brown Acid, Bambi

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