3rd place in Derby #99: The Sun, with 731 votes!

Like some young bird desperate for pre-chewed food, the Earth follows the Sun. And each day, the Sun stares the Earth down like they were two drunks in a bar.

The Sun is both good and bad, that’s almost a cliche. Everyone knows that the same rays that give life can also cause sunburn, or even cancer. But there’s still something hypnotic about our big glowing older sibling up there in the sky. Even when we know we shouldn’t look, we do.

At least it understands our fascination. It’s even a little flattered, we bet. It acts all tough when storms and sunspots, but we know, when we’re not looking, there’s that gravity well keeping us in line. The Sun would miss us if we ever weren’t there. But we’d miss it more.

Wear this shirt: on a warm summer’s day in the park.

Don’t wear this shirt: at night. Would it have killed you to draw in the Moon, Beefcoat?

This shirt tells the world: “Each one of these lovely tendrils would melt the entire planet in seconds!”

We call this color: This Is What The Space Navy Would See All The Time.

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