Third place in Derby #26 (Graffiti), with 428 votes!

A man and his almighty creator are walking barefoot through a long trough of mayonnaise. I know, it’s weird, but who are we to judge someone else’s religious practices?

When they come to the end of the trough, the man looks back and surveys their tracks, and notices something strange.

“Almighty creator,” he says, “I get that this walk through the mayonnaise trough is supposed to symbolize my life’s journey. It’s dumb, but I get it. Answer me this, though: How come during some parts of the journey—indeed, those parts that correspond to the most difficult times in my life—there is only one set of footprints in the mayonnaise? How could you have abandoned me when I needed you most?”

His almighty creator rests a weird, cosmic noodly appendage on the man’s shoulder and says “my child, you don’t understand. Where you see one set of tracks, that’s where you were getting way into bullfighting. You remember that? In the early ‘90s? Well, I was like ‘screw this; that’s cruel.’ Plus you think I want to get gored? Anyway, we both made it to the end of the trough, which is really the important thing.”

“I guess,” the man replies. And croaks.

This shirt was designed by: derekfilley, who really has “sole,” if you know what we mean! Right? He really knows the agony of “de feet,” get it? No, but he’s actually a “prints” of a guy! Right? Right?

Wear this shirt: to give your friends something to aim at while you re-enact the THIS! IS! SPARTAAAA! scene from 300.

Don’t wear this shirt: to Ypsilanti, MI this March. That’s where Podophiliacon’s going to be, and you will not like the reaction you get.

This shirt tells the world: “Walk all over me.”

We call this color: Navy Blue-Footed Booby.

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