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by derekfilley

$19.00 + free shipping
Limit 15 per customer
  • Standard - Estimated delivery Nov 19 - Nov 20
  • Express - Estimated delivery Nov 17
  • Free Express shipping for Prime members

Footprints In The Mayonnaise: An Inspirational Conceit

Third place in Derby #26 (Graffiti), with 428 votes!

A man and his almighty creator are walking barefoot through a long trough of mayonnaise. I know, it’s weird, but who are we to judge someone else’s religious practices?

When they come to the end of the trough, the man looks back and surveys their tracks, and notices something strange.

“Almighty creator,” he says, “I get that this walk through the mayonnaise trough is supposed to symbolize my life’s journey. It’s dumb, but I get it. Answer me this, though: How come during some parts of the journey—indeed, those parts that correspond to the most difficult times in my life—there is only one set of footprints in the mayonnaise? How could you have abandoned me when I needed you most?”

His almighty creator rests a weird, cosmic noodly appendage on the man’s shoulder and says “my child, you don’t understand. Where you see one set of tracks, that’s where you were getting way into bullfighting. You remember that? In the early ‘90s? Well, I was like ‘screw this; that’s cruel.’ Plus you think I want to get gored? Anyway, we both made it to the end of the trough, which is really the important thing.”

“I guess,” the man replies. And croaks.

This shirt was designed by: derekfilley, who really has “sole,” if you know what we mean! Right? He really knows the agony of “de feet,” get it? No, but he’s actually a “prints” of a guy! Right? Right?

Wear this shirt: to give your friends something to aim at while you re-enact the THIS! IS! SPARTAAAA! scene from 300.

Don’t wear this shirt: to Ypsilanti, MI this March. That’s where Podophiliacon’s going to be, and you will not like the reaction you get.

This shirt tells the world: “Walk all over me.”

We call this color: Navy Blue-Footed Booby.

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Our graphic tees are made for all those days (see every day) that you need to get shirt done! Our professionally printed t-shirts are produced in-house to create an experience you will never forget.

Seriously, our t-shirts have been a graphic tee loving enthusiast's favorite since 2007. Our t-shirt designs are created by the best artists in the industry. We know that the combination of our t-shirts, exclusive design selection, world-class artists, and quality production, makes people smile.

Sizing Chart:

Please check our sizing chart before you order.

Classic T-Shirt Fit:

This shirt is made for those of you that like a looser fitting shirt (classic seemed appropriate)! This t-shirt is made from the finest ring spun cotton to make you look Woot-astic!

  • Standard fit (slightly boxy t-shirt, a little loose)
  • Fiber Content: 4.5 oz/yd 100% Combed ring spun cotton
  • Manufactured In: Honduras
  • Printed In: Carrollton, Texas, USA

Fitted T-Shirt Fit:

Our fitted t-shirts are made for those times when you want to feel slimmer — or when you want to go out on the town — or just because you like fitted shirts 'cause you're slim and stuff. This t-shirt is made from the finest ring spun cotton to make you look fit-astic (get it?)!

  • Fitted T-Shirt fit (narrower shoulder and body)
  • Fiber Content: 4.2 oz/yd 100% Combed ring spun cotton
  • Manufactured In: USA, Central America, Vietnam or Bangladesh
  • Printed In: Carrollton, Texas, USA


Sales Stats

Speed to First Woot:
30m 26.000s
First Sucker:
Last Wooter to Woot:

Purchaser Experience

  • 0% first woot
  • 93% second woot
  • 7% < 10 woots
  • 0% < 25 woots
  • 0% ≥ 25 woots

Purchaser Seniority

  • 7% joined today
  • 2% one week old
  • 7% one month old
  • 46% one year old
  • 39% > one year old

Quantity Breakdown

  • 93% bought 1
  • 5% bought 2
  • 1% bought 3 or more

Percentage of Sales Per Hour

12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

Percentage of Sales Per Day

Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun

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Grafeeti by derekfilley
$19.00 In Stock Apparel & Accessories
$19.00 USD false 1 Retail EA
1 15
Woot! Shirt.Woot
4121 International Pkwy Carollton TX 75007 U.S.A.