Footprints In The Mayonnaise: An Inspirational Conceit
Third place in Derby #26 (Graffiti), with 428 votes!
A man and his almighty creator are walking barefoot through a long
trough of mayonnaise. I know, it’s weird, but who are we to judge
someone else’s religious practices?
When they come to the end of the trough, the man looks back and surveys their tracks, and notices something strange.
creator,” he says, “I get that this walk through the mayonnaise trough
is supposed to symbolize my life’s journey. It’s dumb, but I get it.
Answer me this, though: How come during some parts of the
journey—indeed, those parts that correspond to the most difficult times
in my life—there is only one set of footprints in the mayonnaise? How
could you have abandoned me when I needed you most?”
almighty creator rests a weird, cosmic noodly appendage on the man’s
shoulder and says “my child, you don’t understand. Where you see one
set of tracks, that’s where you were getting way into bullfighting. You
remember that? In the early ‘90s? Well, I was like ‘screw this; that’s
cruel.’ Plus you think I want to get gored? Anyway, we both made it to
the end of the trough, which is really the important thing.”
“I guess,” the man replies. And croaks.
shirt was designed by: derekfilley, who really has “sole,” if you know
what we mean! Right? He really knows the agony of “de feet,” get it?
No, but he’s actually a “prints” of a guy! Right? Right?
Wear this shirt: to give your friends something to aim at while you re-enact the THIS! IS! SPARTAAAA! scene from 300.
wear this shirt: to Ypsilanti, MI this March. That’s where
Podophiliacon’s going to be, and you will not like the reaction you
This shirt tells the world: “Walk all over me.”
We call this color: Navy Blue-Footed Booby.
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