Listen, you can’t tell anybody, OK? You promise? Here’s my cheesy little secret: I only pretend to like brie and camembert and Jarlsberg and Gruyere so people won’t think I’m some kind of narrow-minded yokel. Truth is, I’ve never had a cheese experience that compares to melted American served between two slices of buttered, grilled white bread. A good grilled cheese is my platonic ideal by which all other cheeses must be judged. Maybe I’m immature. Maybe I have bad taste. Hell, maybe I am some kind of narrow-minded yokel. But I’d rather have a grilled cheese in Hell than all the taleggio in Heaven.

This shirt was designed by: St. Louis comics artist and illustrator Dan Zettwoch, whose work has appeared all over the place, including in The Best American Comics 2007, at USS Catastrophe, and on his own blog. If you’re ever in St. Louis and need to find a good grilled cheese, get a hold of him.

Wear this shirt: to save yourself a few syllables when ordering at the diner.

Don’t wear this shirt: around your vegan pals. It’s cruel to tempt them with what they can’t have.

This shirt tells the world: “This is why I ordered this shirt in 2XL.”

We call this color: White, Wheat, or Black?

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