Other sailors would recoil from the S.S. Avocado when the ship went zipping by on the search for El Dorado.

Somewhere off the coast of Tortuga they gathered, in the back room of a small Mexican restaurant named El Chalupa. They entered shamelessly, parking as they wished, with no regard for the soccer moms and bachelorette parties who had long-standing reservations. They were pirates, and they took what they wished. And what they wished today was the "green gold" of the South: guacamole.

Dread Paul used the free chips and laughed as he finished the bowl. Lady Mary Keelhaul spread it across her burrito but waved her cutlass at any man who asked her for a bite. Sir Leslie Windsor took tiny spoonfuls and smiled across his Letter of Marque while Freeman Seaman lit candles with his beard and cried YOUR HOTTEST SALSA IS WEAK LIKE A GOVERNOR'S DAUGHTER!

The bill was reasonable. And they helped themselves to the mints next to the register as they left.

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