1st place in Derby #115: National Parks, with 1398 votes!

While not one of the country’s most popular parks, Gummistone still hosts a number of sightseers annually. (Zero is a number, right?) Whether you’re hiking, swimming, fishing, canoeing, picnicking, birding, or just hiding out from the law, we hope you’ll enjoy your time here. However, please bear in mind—uh, rephrase—please remember that this is a wild place, and the animals that live here can be dangerous if not treated with caution and respect.

TIPS FOR OUTDOOR RECREATION IN BEAR COUNTRY:

If you’re hiking interior trails, WEAR A BELL on your backpack. This will alert bears to your presence, and helps avoid surprise encounters. One of the most unpleasant experiences a Gummistone hiker can have is to happen on a bear unexpectedly while rounding a blind turn on a trail and get him stuck on his shoe.

Ursus Gelatinous is famed for its delicious, chewy flesh, but DO NOT EAT bears found on park land. Visitors who do so may face charges of poaching, or at the very least bogarting.

DO NOT throw bears at other members of your party. It’s not at all cool.

Fresh droppings from Ursus Gelatinous have a wonderfully sweet and fruity flavor, but unless you are trained to identify scat, DO NOT TASTE DROPPINGS you find in Gummistone. Because raccoon, mule deer and wolverine droppings all taste really gross.

Wear this shirt: on your gummi bodi.

Don’t wear this shirt: right before mealtime; you’ll ruin your supper.

This shirt tells the world: “I’m like Han Solo: My best friend is chewy.”

We call this color: Kelli Green

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