See that vine? That’s the apple seed your mother told you not to swallow. But you didn’t listen, did you?

Recent studies have proven that the combination of synthetic hormones and chemicals in our water supply have led to biological changes. Today’s women have up to 21% more snips and snails than the women of just one generation before. And young boys are becoming sugared at an alarmingly fast rate.

Maybe it’s easy to turn a blind eye on this problem now, but what about the future? Do we really want our golden years to be in a world that focuses on puppy dog tails while glorifying a lack of spice? Take the time now, while there’s still a chance, to make a difference. For the future.

Wear this shirt: if you want people to ask you why you ate that capybara. You really should consider cutting back on those. They’re just empty calories.

Don’t wear this shirt: around your friend who’s really into Slim Goodbody continuity. He’s gonna give you an earful if he sees that Udo Kier lookin’ thing in the liver. Respect the man’s religion, please.

This shirt tells the world: “I really should get that fish removed before it becomes cancerous.”

We call this color: Aw, man, this would have been a perfect place to use the Asp halt joke! But it’s too late now! Thanks for nothin’, Wotto.

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