No, no, I know what you’re going to think, but just hear me out: polka dots.

Huh? Huh? What do you think? A little out of your comfort zone, I know. But this stripes thing, it’s just feeling a little stale. You see your trademark look, and everybody else sees a cat who used to be fashion forward but now is just stuck in a rut. I mean, weren’t those tall, floppy, red-and-white striped hats kind of a ‘90s thing?

Oh, right, you did that first.

Anyway, I’m just saying, freshening up your look can do wonders for your career. If Jennifer Aniston had stuck with the hairstyle she made famous, her career would be in Tiffani-Amber Thiessen territory these days.

Um, are you crying? I’m sorry – I don’t know who this “Ted” is, but I can tell you must really wish he was still alive.

But OK, if you’re set on stripes, how about replacing that red and white with something hipper? Say, black and very dark grey? Now THAT’s a look for a cat making a comeback.

Wear this shirt: with a “peeing Calvin” decal on your forehead.

Don’t wear this shirt: with one of those Cat in the Hat hats. Because you should never wear one of those Cat in the Hat hats.

This shirt tells the world: “I only wear the finest unauthorized knockoff merchandise.”

We call this color: Baby Bluetiful Kittenfish.

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