1st place in Derby #216: Household Chores, with 1149 votes!
Hey honey! How was your day? Get any work done on your novel?
“Ummm… I, ummm…”
You look a little pale. Everything okay?
“Well, umm, I guess, umm…”
What’s wrong, honey? Oh hey, you swept the living room! Thanks!
“No, Jennifer. That’s just the thing. I didn’t!”
Oh, huh. I coulda sworn it was more cluttered when I left for work this morning…
“It was.”
Okay, what is going on here? And why are you whispering? We’re all alone here.
“But that’s just the thing, Jennifer. We aren’t alone.”
Huh?
“The house! It’s haunted! Don’t you see, I didn’t sweep the living room! A ghost did!”
Wait, really?
“Yeah, I saw it with my own eyes!”
We’ve got a house haunted by chore-doing ghosts? That’s… that’s…
“Terrifying!”
I was actually going to say amazing. Two quick questions, do they know how to use the washer and dryer and can they iron?
“What are you talking about?? This is not amazing. They’re ghosts, Jennifer! GHOSTS! C’mon, pack your bags! We are out of here!”
Not a chance! We are staying right here!
“What? You want to stay with the ghosts?”
You’re damn right I do! We made a deal two years ago: you stay at home and work on your writing if you complete some really basic chores around the house. Well, two years later I still have to clean your beard trimmings off the rim of the sink. So what then? We move into this old house because you thought it would inspire your work, and I said okay. But no! I put my foot down here! We WILL not leave simply because there are ghosts in this house WHO TAKE INITIATIVE!
“But what about me, babe? I feel so tense and scared, I can barely write!”
Honey, you barely wrote anything before. What page are you on after two years? Twelve? And besides, maybe one of the ghosts is a writer and can help you out…
Wear this shirt: because it’ll make you feel BOoOOotiful.
Don’t wear this shirt: if it doesn’t match your BOOoOoOOOOoOOooOts.
This shirt tells the world: “I a member of the class known as the BOOoooOoOOOoOoOOoOoOoooOOOurgeoisie.”
We call this color: BOOooOoOoOOOooOOOOOooOOOoooslate
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