“You see those pigs in that house over there, buddy? They’re what you might call ‘tasty’.”

“What did you say?”

“I said they’re what you might call ‘thirsty’.”

“Did you? I could’ve sworn I heard…”

“Look, man. You gonna help me out or what?”

“I… I don’t know. This is all so new to me. I’ve never just busted into someone’s house before without a good thirst-quenchin’ reason.”

“Don’t you see them in the windows? Tell me they don’t look parched. Perfectly plump and parched piggies full of porky meats…”

“Say, man, you’re kinda freaking me out. Maybe I should just leave.”

“Leave? But, uh, what about all the Sugar?”

“S-s-s-s-sugar? You didn’t say anything about Sugar? They’ve got Sugar in that house?”

“Oh, yeah. Tons of it. Best Hawaiian White you’ll ever get your hands on. And if you help me out, you can have all of it.”

“All of it?!”

“As much as you can fit in your pitcher, my friend. So, what do you say? Can I get an ‘OH, YEAH!’?”

Wear this shirt: if you’ve ever known the sublime joy of eating pork steaks and drinking Kool-Aid in summer (no offense to the pigs, of course).

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re disappointed that no one’s ever created a bacon-flavored drink mix.

This shirt tells the world: “I’ll huff and I’ll puff and AW FORGET IT. I’ll just get someone else to do the work for me.”

We call this color: Not By The Hair On My Kelly Green Chin

Back to top