2nd place in Derby #244: Breakfast Mascots, with 568 votes!

High-Fructose Corn Syrup Crunch is part of this balanced breakfast! That’s right, the one pictured here, with all these fruits and juices and stuff!

IMPORTANT NOTE: At the time this breakfast was deemed “balanced,” the High-Fructose Corn Syrup Crunch was not present. It was a late addition – an honest mistake according to the organizers of the breakfast, but still, some suspect foul play.

Once deemed as such, the “balanced” status cannot be revoked without a full investigation in which each and every food component of the breakfast is thoroughly examined. This process can take months, perhaps years, and even then the breakfast has the right to appeal the verdict.

Breakfasters seeking a definitively-balanced breakfast are strongly cautioned against consuming the one pictured here. Still, since the investigation has yet to conclude, nobody can stop us from saying…

High-Fructose Corn Syrup Crunch is part of this balanced breakfast!

Wear this shirt: when you cook dinner for that special someone. Then, no matter how bad it turns out, you can just point to your shirt and be like, “Could be worse.”

Don’t wear this shirt: to a tour of a cereal factory. You’ll spoil all the good parts.

This shirt tells the world: “[INSERT PUN ON FAMOUS CEREAL TAGLINE THAT WON’T GET US SUED HERE].”

We call this color: Royal Blue Sugar-Frosted Sugar Flakes Sugar! Now with more sugar!

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