Coming soon: The Walking Donut.

Hello? Is anyone there? HELLOOOOOOOOOO?! Where is everyone? This hospital’s completely deserted! Where are the doctors and nurses and orderlies? Why is the power out? Wait a minute, are those…are those bullet holes? What the hell is going on here? Is that jam?! Oh god what’s going on here?

Hello?! CAN ANYONE HEAR ME?!

Hello? Hello! You! Thank god someone’s still around! I need help! The last thing I remember was crossing the street and a car slamming on its brakes and the next thing I know I’m here and I seem to have about six weeks’ worth of stubble and no one’s here and…are you okay? Do you have a cell phone or any way to reach the authorities? Police? Fire? EMTs? Anybody? Can you talk?

Wait. What happened to you? You’re all covered in custard and jam. Was there an explosion or something? You look…you look terrible. Half dead, even. What the hell happened here? Wait. Just stay back for a minute. You might be contagious or something. Why are you rasping and moaning like that? Stay back. Didn’t you hear me? Stay away! GET BACK!

I’ve got to get out of here. Got to get out. Got to get away. Why is this door chained shut? What’s this…”Do not open. Crumbs inside.” What the- Oh god I can hear people in there. More horrible rasping. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!

I’m dreaming. I’ve got to wake up. Okay, okay. Fine. Wake up. Wake up, dammit! Oh god, my heart. So hard to breathe. My chest feels like it’s caving in. Panic…attack…must…focus. You there! Stay away! Leave me alone! Oh no, I’m boxed in. Please! Get back! Please! Get away! No! What are you doing?! Aaaauuugh! Somebody help! Why are you doing this?! Get off of me!

NOOOOOOOOOOOO-!

Wear this shirt: Next time you’re picking up a dozen for the office so they can really appreciate the sacrifice.

Don’t wear this shirt: While wandering dazed around a hospital shouting for help. You’re going to attract unwanted attention.

This shirt tells the world: “No, it’s a play on words. Remember when you were a kid and people would ask ‘Want a Hertz Donut?’ and you would- OW! You hit me!”

We call this color: Bite-sized Baby Blue

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