3rd place in Derby #97: BBQ, with 957 votes!

Sam, if I could have a word?
This stuff you’re grilling—it’s absurd!
What would have been so bad about
Some plain old brats with sauerkraut?

You invite us over here,
You say “I’m set for meat; bring beer”
I guess this is the “meat” you meant?
This stinky, greenish excrement?

Hot dogs would have been OK
And I like chicken cooked this way
Or why not burgers made with cheese?
But no, you had to grill up THESE.

Dude, I’ve never seen green meat.
Is this what you want us to eat?
You have got some moxie, fella!
What if we get salmonella?

Of your green ham, I want none.
How do you know if it’s done?
What color is this stuff rare?
Do you know, Sam? Do you care?

This barbecue’s a big fiasco!
What is with this green tabasco?
And the eggs—what, they’re green, too?
Thanks but no thanks, Sam, screw you.

Wear this shirt: all the places you’ll go.

Don’t wear this shirt: with 500 hats. It takes a certain kind of flair to pull off 500 hats.

This shirt tells the world: “I do not like them on the grill. I do not like them in Brazil. I do not like them with Vince Gill. I will not eat them, so just chill.”

We call this color: The Eggs Are “Free Orange”

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