I’ll never forget it. I woke up with my bed sliding across the floor of my cabin. The whole ship was tilting, alarm horns were blaring, people were screaming. On the decks, it was pandemonium. People were fighting to get into the crouton boats. A cherry tomato had fallen, and nobody stopped to help. They just stampeded over it like animals. I jumped overboard and hung onto a piece of celery for dear life. We must’ve floated in that ranch dressing for hours before somebody picked us up. Ever since, I swear, I start my meals with soup.

This shirt was designed by: the mysterious, possibly apocryphal figure most commonly known as “Paige Wallis”.

Wear this shirt: to warn the other passengers about the looming salad-greens menace.

Don’t wear this shirt: to a salad bar. You’ll ruin everybody’s appetite.

This shirt tells the world: “This is no time to worry about the correct spelling of ‘iceberg’!”

We call this color: Leafy Blues.

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