We’re Already Looking Into A Toy Licensing Deal
It was supposed to be a simple worldwide boy band tour. The Kids From The New Block and The Interstate Boys, together at last. A million uteri synching as one in adoration. Tickets sold out in less than a minute.
But then, tragedy. The plane went down over Egypt. Trapped in the desert, Ronnie and Dan used their knowledge of geography to lead their friends through the desert. When the sandstorm got too rough, they ran towards the ancient pyramid that appeared as though by magic! Inside, the singers found a glowing blue crystal. When Dustin touched it, it released a strange energy that turned them all into powerful beasts.
The Wolf with his cunning! The Gorilla with his ferocity! The Lion with his charm! The T-Rex with his intimidation! The Lesser Wooded Vole with his steady supply of plague fleas! These powers and more went to the young singers, who instantly pledged to use them for good since they were already rich and had tons of women.
Now the tour continues, and fans everywhere line up again and again. But any time the evil of Dr. Von Pussycat and the Army Of Puppykeets show their adorable paws, the singers spring into action… as ROAR!
This shirt was designed by: Mathjis Vissers a.k.a. Dementedhero. He has a great future in movie posters if the animalsploitation genre ever comes back. You can do your part by buying a pound of catnip and filming the results.
Wear this shirt: when you go to bars. Predators make good breeding stock. Even vegans know this. You say “wow, I never considered going all celery before, but you make me think so differently!” and you suddenly get like a million times hotter. Plus it’s real easy to hide a cheeseburger in your coat. They’ll never know.
Don’t wear this shirt: if you think it makes you a wild creature and somehow gives you the right to go to a website we are joking around with and start posting “w00t ownz u” and “u suxorz n ihop u die”. We appreciate the brand loyalty but please, be nice to our interneighbors. And IHOP.
This shirt tells the world: “I can tell by your eyes. You saw this shirt and you’re assuming I can transform. I understand why you’d think that. But it isn’t true.”
We call this color: Bad Bad T-Shirt Brown, Baddest Shirt In The Whole Dang Town, But That’s Not Old King Kong, That’s Just Some Other Public Domain Gorilla
Back to top