At this time I would like to read a prepared statement

As you all are probably aware, I recently played a card which sent one of my opponent’s pieces back to the red Start. I wish to emphasize that I took no joy in playing this card. It was never my intention to hurt, demoralize or humiliate the red team, with whom I have always been very close. I hope that this episode will not irreparably damage that relationship.

I myself have been on the receiving end of just such a card. It can be a painful, frustrating and confusing experience. I deeply regret that the red team, with whom I am just like brothers, must now go through it. My sympathies are with them in this very difficult time. If it is any consolation, I’m probably going to win on my next turn, so all this will be over soon.

I’m deeply sorry for any hardship my actions may have caused, and will be providing a bouquet of flowers to the aggrieved party. This bouquet is intended as a gesture of compassion only, and in no way signifies an admission of wrongdoing on my part.

Wear this shirt: on your sorry-lookin’ torso.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you don’t really mean it.

This shirt tells the world: “Well, excuuuuuse me.”

We call this color: Heather Grayers, 2-4 Players.

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