2nd place in Derby #180: Complementary Colors, with 709 votes!
Philip,
Thanks so much for house-sitting! Carrie and I both really appreciate you doing this for us. Like we discussed before, there are just a few things we need you to do while we’re out of town for the week, which I’ve listed below:
- Make sure Jasper gets a cup of food in the morning and then another at night. We cleaned the litter box just before we left, so you shouldn’t have to worry about that at all, but the cleaning supplies are under the bathroom sink if it becomes an issue.
- The two plants on at the top of the stairs and the ones near the front and back doors need daily watering. Just a drinking glass full of H20 will do.
- A man may come by on Tuesday dressed in a t-shirt bearing a multi-colored octopus riding a pen propelled by a jet of rainbow ink. He will knock exactly five times, no more, no less. Let him in if he does this. Call him “Roger”.
- If Roger says “I’ve got eight arms to hold you”, get the brown paper package from the front closet and give it to him. He’ll nod to you and leave quietly. It’d be in your best interest to forget you ever saw him.
- If Roger says anything other than the above sentence, laugh and offer him a drink. Make small talk and pretend to fix a couple cocktails. In the second drawer down to the left of the sink is a garrote. Take this, then very causally step behind “Roger” and choke the life out of him. Don’t worry about breaking anything in the struggle. We won’t hold it against you!
- There’s a bone saw, plastic tarp, leather apron, face shield, and a bag of lye in the hiding place under the stairs. You’ll find it all behind all the board games. Try not to make too much of a mess! Carrie hates coming home to a messy bathroom.
- Remember to help yourself to anything in the fridge!
Wear this shirt: while studying the great Cephalopodal writers of our time.
Don’t wear this shirt: after you’ve gotten a nasty ink stain on it.
This shirt tells the world: “I’m into the normal stuff, you know? Octopi, fountain pens, rainbows… That sort of thing.”
We call this color: And Then Data Says “The Navy Was Very Scary” And I’m All Like “There Was No Navy In The Movie!”
Back to top
