Their speech will melt the human brain. Their language contains over 800 different sound-symbols for “wanton destruction.”

Most of the best works of science fiction tap into the real-life anxieties of the societies that produce them. For example, take a look at almost any classic Cold-War-era flying saucer movie. Onscreen, the warships may be martian, but in the audience’s psyche, they were Soviet. Likewise, there are great sci-fi movies and novels that reflect our fears about nuclear proliferation, environmental disaster, the rise of the police state, technology run amok, and epidemics of sexually transmitted disease.

This shirt isn’t like that, though. It’s not a metaphor for anything. It’s an accurate pictorial representation of what’s actually going to happen when the War-Beast People of Xxalzor 17 make their assault on Earth. Here’s a helpful hint you’ll be able to use when that day comes: Run! Quickly! Save yourself!

Wear this shirt: on the treadmill at the gym to remind yourself what you’re training for. (To be able to run quickly, and save yourself.)

Don’t wear this shirt: back to work after your lunchtime treadmill session. There are showers at the gym for a reason, Johnny Stench.

This shirt tells the world: “Where do they come from? What do they want from us? Who do they think they are? Why don’t they leave me alone?”

We call this color: ALIEN D(h)EATH (g)RAY

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