You can’t always act like a madman, even if you’re still 21. You gotta have the occasional night in.

And let’s be honest here. When the parties stop and the last investor leaves and it’s just Hef and the girls? They’re not having underwear pillow fights and making sundaes on each other’s bellies. They’re saying things like “Can someone turn the heat up?” and comparing flannel pajamas while Hef asks if someone knows where he put the clicker. Maybe that place looks good on paper, but he was born in 1926. The man is far more concerned about getting an extra blanket than what cup size tonight’s conquest will be.

In 1965, sure, those bunnies were wild and willing to try anything and the parties went all night. But this winter, he’s taking all those bunnies to the bedroom because when they all lie down, they’ll block the drafts from the hole in the attic. Bunnies aren’t just there for long walks on the beach, you know. They can be quite useful.

Wear this shirt: because it’s cold out. Are you James Caan or something? Put that shirt back on and get back inside right away before you freeze!

Don’t wear this shirt: while visiting Hawaii in December. It’s insulting to those of us under a ten foot snowdrift. Also probably offensive to Hawaiians, who kinda seem to hate us anyway. We’re sorry, Hawaii. We don’t mean to be standoffish.

This shirt tells the world: “I’m a snugglebunny! Tee hee! But the second a rich warm producer comes along, I’m dumping you.”

We call this color: Heather Gray, 19, enjoys watching auto racing and horseback riding, loves to laugh, hoping to find a man who can handle her complexities while still understanding her wild side, 48-24-37.

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