Your majesty, please forgive me for interrupting, but there is a matter of grave importance that I must discuss with you.

“Can’t it wait, Nigel? I just sat down to eat!”

I’m sorry your majesty, but it cannot.

“Well fine then, Nigel, what is it? And please, speak up. My ears are not what they used to be.”

Your majesty, it’s the peasants! They are storming the castle. You must act now! Your entire reign as king is at stake!

“A steak? You interrupt my meal to beg for food?”

No your majesty, not a steak; there is much at stake. The peasants are using your own orchard against you! They are pulling trees up from the…

“Poultry? I thought you said you wanted a steak. Well, fine, Nigel. I’ll indulge you this once. How would you like your chicken prepared?”

Please concentrate, your majesty! They are up-earthing your trees and constructing a makeshift battering ram…

“Battered chicken does sound nice, Nigel. Cook! Two battered chicken thighs, please!”

And they are building catapults to launch cauldrons of hot oil…

“And broil them, Cook! I have to say, Nigel, I’m quite looking forward to this meal of ours. How would you feel about a promotion from ‘manservant/messenger’ to ‘chief advisor of culinary choices?’”

I am honored, your majesty, but I do feel that there are more important things to consider.

“Imported things, you say? Such as ethnic cuisine? Already making bold choices, Nigel! I like that! Let us raise our glasses and toast to your newly assigned position. You shall be commanding my kitchen for as long as my kingdom stands! Hey, does anyone else hear angry screaming outside?”

Wear this shirt: if every Jack and Mary tells you, “you’re a real card, buddy boy!”

Don’t wear this shirt: if we can see your ribs through it.

This shirt tells the world: "Kiss the cook's ring."

We call this color: As clear and clean a hue as your divinely chosen soul.

Back to top