First Place in Derby #31(Water), with 870 votes!
Sailors
tell the story of the woman made of water. They say she comes silently,
like a slow tide, drawn by the harvest moon. They say the water churns
crimson, like the lips of a preschooler who holds a half-chewed Maroon
Crayola. And then she rises, eyes closed, wearing the sea like a salty
shawl, her curves carves like driftwood, tossed gently, bringing warmth
to the cold, cold ocean. Men have been driven mad by her beauty, sent
back to port to cry into mugs of cheap beer and dream of seeing her
face again. Some throw themselves from the tops of lighthouses just to
see if she’ll catch them before they fall, though she never does. It is
said among sailors that if you are close enough to hear, just for a
second, she whispers in a voice like a rushing wave. Quiet, delicate,
as beautiful and enigmatic as the lady herself, no man understands it,
yet they hand down her story as though it were a fine telescope, in
hopes that maybe someday, someone will explain the words they’ve heard:
“Bluetooth, bring home some eggs and a pint of milk, please”
This shirt was designed by:
Zenne. With a name like an aquatic cowboy no one knows if the
mysterious Zenne is a he or a she. Well, okay, someone probably knows.
I mean, Zenne knows. And Zenne’s mom, she surely knows. And Zenne might
be dating someone, and they probably know. Not always, right, there was
that case in Nebraska they made the movie out of, but, you know, most
of the time someone is gonna know, right? So good job, Zenne.
Wear this shirt: when you go out on a date with someone who bought one of these. It’ll be one of those cute couple moments. People will see you on the Ferris Wheel and be so jealous.
Don’t wear this shirt:
to go see the Wet Wet Wet reunion tour. Mostly because there’s no
reason to ever go see the Wet Wet Wet reunion tour. Seriously, you
don’t know who they are for a reason. Don’t even bother to look them
up. Hey, stop it! I’m trying to be your friend!
This shirt tells the world: “I know this website that prints the most wonderful shirts…”
We call this color: Roll On Thou Dark And Deep Navy Ocean
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