This is for getting all those seeds stuck in my teeth, you fuzzy little gooseberry.

1st place in Derby #81: Heartbreak, with 1233 votes!

Come gather ‘round, ye friends, shut up and listen to the ballad
Of the kiwi who got sliced in half and ended up fruit salad

Most folks are glad when kiwi fruits meet such a tasty end
But then again “most folks” are not this fruit’s sad, flightless friend

It just so happens this fruit had a pal, a kiwi bird
Who wept and gnashed her beak in anguished sorrow when she heard

“What happened?” cried the kiwi bird, “this fruit was like my sister!
What kind of savage maniac or madman could have squished her?”

The kiwi bird collapsed in grief and anger and confusion
Face-down in the juice, which, from her former chum was oozin’

And accidentally tasting her friend’s sweet delicious goo
Said “oh! If I’d have known, I s’pose I might have slashed her, too.”

Wear this shirt: to Tasmania! That’s where they call people “kiwis,” right?

Don’t wear this shirt: to any salad bar where you aren’t 100% sure what kind of kiwi’s on offer.

This shirt tells the world: “Fruit is murder.”

We call this color: Kiwi-Killer-Kelly Green.

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