2nd place in Derby #219: Safari, with 863 votes!

“Pfft, stupid lions. They aren’t so great.”

“Yeah!”

“I mean, how come whenever any of those silly hairless apes comes out here, they’re all, ‘Where are the lions? I want to see a lion! Are there going to be lions?’ I’m telling you, they’d be better off never seeing one.”

“Yeah!”

“Newsflash, people: lions aren’t at all like they’re portrayed in cartoons. They don’t sing. They don’t have little edible friends they hang out with. In fact, you know what lions are? Jerks, that’s what. Jerks that will eat your face off if given the chance.”

“You tell ‘em, Larry!”

“In fact, you know what I’d did if I ran across a lion right now? I’d peck him straight in the eye then laugh in his furry FACE, that’s what.”

“Um, Larry?”

“And then I’d be all, ‘King of the Jungle? You see a jungle around here, kitty? This is the SAHARA. Maybe you can be the Pauper of the Plains!’ And then I’d laugh again to punctuate my mockery. Maybe I’d make fun of his mane, too, I don’t know.”

“Larry, behind you!”

“Dude, that’s the sunset. I swear, you do this “seeing things that aren’t there” bit all the time. You really need to… Hey, why’d it get so dark suddenly? And moist. And… toothy?”

Wear this shirt: if you enjoy hiding in plain sight.

Don’t wear this shirt: around zebras, gazelles, warthogs, antelope, etc.

This shirt tells the world: “And so, another golden day draws to a close on the plains of OMG LION! LION! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!”

We call this color: Sunday Morning Coming Brown

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