And so I said to Dorothy, “Well, what else would I do with my ink now that I’m at Harper’s?”

Yes, she laughed at that too, she’s a darling girl. Not like that nasty Harold fellow. Did you know that last week he ordered a cuttlefish stew just as I walked in the room? Of course, as an octopus, I’ll eat basically anything, and he didn’t know that. You should have seen the look on his face when I sat down and asked Luigi for a spoon of my own. I though Donald was going to burst with laughter.

But you get a tough skin in this city, so I pay it no real mind. Naturally, as an out-of-towner, my first instinct was to hide in some coral or maybe beneath a tea cozy made of shells. Harpo took me aside and explained how that would only make me a target. “Larger than life, my friend!” he said, “And then they can’t ever touch you!” He understood camouflage, that man. I suppose he had to, though. Did you know his real name was Adolph? Talk about needing a place to hide!

I have my critics, sure, we all do. Those sharks would tear me apart if I let them. But I’ve got a stranglehold on this town, and I’m not letting go. If I can make it here, I can make it anywhere. And at least nobody mistakes me for a squid! Except maybe in the Village.

Wear this shirt: on your way to the rooftop garden, in the shade.

Don’t wear this shirt: around the Gorilla’s Union. They’ll be pretty upset.

This shirt tells the world: “First, we take Manhattan.”

We call this color: I Guess The Navy Would Have Jurisdiction But It’s Really Hard To Decide

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