Hey, there, owl! Who are you listening to?

“Who.”

No, that’s what I’m asking you, silly owl! Yuck yuck! Now, c’mon and tell me; who are you listening to?

“Who.”

I don’t know! I’m not the one listening to anything!

“Oh wait, I see the confusion. I’m listening to Who, the four man British rock group active primarily in the 60s, 70s, and 80s, known for such hits as ‘My Generation’ and ‘Won’t Get Fooled Again,’ two tracks penned by guitar player and principal songwriter, Pete Townshend.”

Umm… no… Owl… you’re not supposed to say that…

“Why not? It’s the truth! Oh, wait, I see what you mean! Technically the band is called The Who, not just Who. That’s what you were getting at, right?”

No! It’s supposed to be like a comedy bit.

“I don’t understand.”

You like your own little thing! Like, Who’s on first, what’s on second, etc.

“I don’t know who’s on first or second. But I can tell by your switch from ‘who’ to ‘what’ that you don’t quite care for this second person. In fact, you view him or her as not a human, but a thing.”

What are you – no! Just… No! I wasn’t asking you. “Who’s on first?” is classic comedy.

“I’m not familiar.”

Okay, well, basically there are two guys who work for a baseball team, and one’s asking, “who’s on first?” And the other guy is like “Who’s on first.” Because the player’s name is “Who” but the first guy doesn’t know that, so he keeps getting more and more confused. Get it?

“Not really.”

Ugh! Okay, basically, I’m going to ask you “Who are you listening to?” and you’ll respond with “Who” because you’re an owl, and I’ll get all confused. So, owl, who are you listening to?

“Plefarg Jootjoot.”

What did you just say?

“Plefarg jootjoot. They’re made up words.”

But I told you to say “who.”

“Yes, but you also told me you wanted to be confused, so I figured what better way to confuse you than by ignoring your instructions and using words that you’d never expect because I just invented them right now. Surely, this is what you meant for me to do, yes? Because me saying the word you asked me to say wouldn’t have been confusing at all.”

NO! IT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT FOR YOU TO DO! WHAT I MEANT WAS FOR YOU TO DO WAS SAY “WHO”!! THEN I WOULD ASK AGAIN, AND YOU WOULD SAY “WHO” AGAIN, AND IT WOULD KEEP GOING AND GOING UNTIL IT SPIRALED OUT OF CONTROL AND I WENT CRAZY!

“It appears as though we’ve achieved exactly that! Congratulations us!”

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Wear this shirt: to the Hotel California.

Don’t wear this shirt: Eight Miles High in the air.

This shirt tells the world: “I got a heart full of soul!”

We call this color: Brown bird singing in the dead of night.

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