3rd place in Derby #94: Air, with 862 votes

Nothing’s impossible. There is no dream that cannot be achieved. Not a one. If you really want something, you can have it.

Now, once you have it, sure, there’s a whole lot of things that can go wrong. You might get arrested because of the method you chose, or maybe you’ll have your dream taken away from you because you just weren’t good enough to keep it, or maybe you’ll figure out that you’ve left yourself no way to get down after tying yourself to a pair of helium balloons in some stupid attempt to defy the will of God and now you’re going to die of asphyxiation or possibly frostbite, but hey, they never needed a platitude about that part, right? Why do we need to know what happens after the credits, right? It’s all happily ever after, hooray for the hometown kid, he’s got his dream, rah rah rah, right? RIGHT? EXCEPT FOR ME, UP HERE, ABOUT TO DIE, WRAPPED IN THE FREEZING COLD ARMS OF MY LIFELONG DREAM!

Why can’t Hollywood take a little responsibility for what they’re feeding us is what I’d like to know! All those exploding helicopters and they can’t even spare a one to come help a kiwi with a dream? Hey! Hey! Somebody! Get me down! I’ve got a new dream now! I want to walk to the corner! Hey! Someone get me a romantic with a ladder!

Wear this shirt: when you know you’re gonna drop some mustard on your belly. Then the kiwi will be judging you and that’ll be funny for like two seconds. Listen, some people on our forums don’t ever even get that much.

Don’t wear this shirt: around people who don’t know much about birds. You can only hear “HOLY CRAP IS THAT A BAKED POTATO?” so many times before you snap.

This shirt tells the world: “I’m looking to mix with someone dressed in strawberry.”

We call this color: Todd. It’s real name is Creme Todd Todaysshirtdotwootcolor but it doesn’t like it’s first name. Only its grandmother uses it.

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